My New Nightmare: To Drown in Pool of Chevre

I have a pretty sad story. When? Saturday morning? Where? At home. Set the scene: Me, my kitchen, really excited that I had bought, and so could eat oatmeal.

If this was a book, a smart reader would have fortold doom when I decided, after carefully preparing my non instant oatmeal, to put a dollop of yogurt on top. Not just any yogurt though, my new goat's milk yogurt.

If you had told me a week ago that there would ever be a meal that couldn't be approved by some melted goats cheese, I would have laughed in your face. Chocolate cake? MMM. Kiwis? Tangy. Tuna? Delish.

I would have been wrong though, because oatmeal with cinnamon and cardamon is NOT improved by the addition of goat yogurt, which, let me tell you, tastes EXACTLY like melted chevre. Oh My Yuck.

I hope I can spare you the pain of making a similar sad decision, when you were so excited to eat your formerly delicious smelling yogurt on a cold (let's be fair, cool) weekend morning.

In other sad news, several of you have recently asked me for photographic updates, and yes the majority of you are people who, while on facebook, are perheps less likely to login 3 times a day like the rest of us. Anyways, my answer is here, and it is: they are on facebook, of course.

Yom Kippur Question:

Will anchovy vinaigrette keep well for a bit over a day in the fridge?

Rosh Hashanah Food Pics...

Tzimmis! With Meat!

Sorry Vegetarians...

Here's the beef:

There have been some brisket related questions floating around. I will provide the answers.

1. The brisket (briskets, actually) went well, with a slight mishap when I put it fatty side down instead of up, had to scrape the 'stuff' of the top, turn the meat over and reapply to the other side. Luckily this was all before I cooked it, so no harm, no foul.
2. About the rest of the menu: yesterday I sous-cheffed the chicken soup. Today I will make Floyman Tzimmes (potatoes and prunes) and maybe oneg-lekach (honey cake), and most importantly, lay the table.
3. Recipe: Put the meat fatty side up over two onions cut into big hunks. Spread a few tablespoons (about one small jar worth) of tomato paste on the top of the meat. Sprinkle one packet of Lipton's French onion soup over that. Pour a can of beer, and 2 cups of red wine around the side of the meat. Add 2 bay leaves and some peppercorn. Cover with foil, cook at 350 for 20 minutes then 315 for... several hours. Slice against the grain. It is better a day or so after cooking.

Inedible to Incredible? Lazy and Crazy.

I needed to unwind my brain a little, so I turned on the TV to a show I had never heard of called 'Inedible to Incredible.' Bear with me, because it is a little complicated. This is a reality TV show where a terrible cook is nominated, and  a 'famous" (I don't know, I'd never heard of him, but what do I know) chef (John Besh) goes to the nominees house, surprises them, and teaches them how to cook tasty versions of three of their most disastrous standards. Ok, as reality TV shows this doesn't seem sillier than any, and the dishes I saw last night were truly astonishingly horrible. Hamburger with strawberries and cornflakes? The problem is, this women had been nominated by her husband, and with a tiny bit of perusal, all of the subjects of this show are wives and mothers nominated by their husbands. Gentlemen, if your wife gives you hamburger with strawberries and cornflakes in it (and an egg on top, fried in an inch of oil) LEARN HOW TO COOK. These guys are not victims of their wives' undiscerning palates, they are both victims and perpetrators of BS 19th century ideas about division of labor within a household. Seriously, they can't claim not knowing how to cook as an excuse, as clearly they were almost being killed. So I don't know what kind of bullshit household dynamics would make a man humiliate his wife on television rather than pick up a wok or skillet once in a while, but get over it. Thats all folks.

Scraping shmaltz from underneath my fingernails...

Just cut up my first two raw chickens. I have roasted plenty of whole chickens, and I have bought already cut up chicken many times, but today I bought a whole chicken (thank you Trader Joe's) which required transforming into (8) pieces of chicken. Even though butchering technically means that I actually killed the animals, butchering was involved. I don't want to be too graphic for the sake of my vegetarian readers, but basically it was all ok until the breasts, which it turns out look pretty much the same as the back, are connected to bones in ways breasts never should be and ended up being removed with scissors.

And to preempt questions, I watched two youtube videos on how to cut up chicken, and my chicken looked nothing like theirs, so it was not at all helpful.

PS GOOD JOB MEXICO

They go together like peanutbutter and chocolate...

Amazing article in the Times. It is about smoking pot and eating great greasy food, probably in San Francisco. I know my readers, and I know you will enjoy this.

Sheboygan!

Mostly these are gross, but also very very great. I mean, do you ever get stuck in a cheeseburger rut? Not anymore - thank you Wisconsin cheese. My personal votes for grossest are the Mamma Mia and the Sheboygan. What do you think?

 And yes, those are cheese curds.

March Mailbox Madness

I got the best snail-mail today ever. First of all, Census 2010 whoo hoo! Yes, I was disappointed to get the short form, but I will make up for it by filling it out with the utmost care and accuracy. Nothing can quite live up to the excitement of getting the American Communities Survey form of 2007(ish), but I am excited nonetheless. The other exciting thing I got is the Zabar's catalog. OMG. I've never seen the catalog before. This is like what they would use to torture a Jewish Guantanamo prisoner, for reals. I am especially fond of "Zabar's Ultimate Basket," or as the internets calls it, the "Zabar's Ultimate Zabar's Basket."  It is so ridiculous it moves into the realm of the sublime, all for only $495 plus $15 dollars next day delivery fee. I think it would be important actually do get this delivered on a Friday night so one has the whole weekend to unpack, taste, and invite selected people over for brunch.

In summary, if you want to buy me this basket, leave a message and I'll send you my address, and maybe a plane ticket so you can help me unpack.

Freedom Fries not on the Menu

Here in the US, activists like Alice Waters try to improve the school lunch program in which cheap food is augmented by the leftovers of industrial agriculture. Over in France, things are a little different.

That article reminds me of that moment in Sicko, the Michael Moore movie (which many understandably gripe about) where MM is talking to American expat mothers in France, hearing about how the government sends a nurse to help them at home after the birth, and Michael says (sarcastically) 'Next you'll be saying the send someone to do your laundry,' which, of course, they do. Oh, social democracy.

Referendum on the Future of the Deli

I love Saul's. This is the only referendum I'm excited to vote in.

Convergence of Great Things

This is in no way timely, but I forgot to post this when it was more relevant, and don't want to have to wait until Thanksgiving next year. Three things near and dear to my heart are maps, great food, and celebrations. This set of maps is just about the coolest thing ever - they graphically represent what recipes people are googling in different states.


These maps bring up several critical points - most urgently, what on earth is wrong with Californians? We appear to eat apple pie and pumpkin pie at alarming low rates. One possible explanation is that Californians are just better cooks and don't need recipes for pie? I'm not sure about that. Also, why are people googling recipes for fruit salad? Why do people in the south not eat stuffing? Do they call it something else? Why does everyone eat sweet potato casserole? Isn't the point of a casserole that it is a one pot meal? Does this mean that sweet potato casserole on Thanksgiving includes turkey, cranberry sauce, stuffing, sweet and mashed potatoes, all in one pot? No wonder they need a recipe. Its really worth taking a look at all of the maps, but here are some of the more notable ones...


So many questions, so few answers.