Are You Single, Can We Mingle, I Want to Consume You Like a Pringle

I racked my brain to remember my myspace password so I could vote for a few friends' Glee auditions. In case you don't know what I'm talking about, Glee, the TV show about a high school show choir, is holding online auditions by allowing people to upload videos of themselves onto myspace, and letting myspace members (which was all of us like 6 years ago, admit it. Anyways, not having logged into myspace for years and years, I had a backlog of messages, but only read the most recent one, which was this:

You are extremely exquisite like the sun reflecting its rays upon the spring waters pouring down the waterfall in The Mediterranean. Moreover, you remind me of our parternal heavenly father who has provided mankind with all the earthly provisions to feel content. Furthermore, you are similar to an exquisite red rose being caressed by the sun and fresh breeze on a mid summers day in the countryside. In addition, you should be cherished and adored more than gold, silver, diamonds, crystals, pearls, rubees, energy and any other items composed on the planet earth. Giggah your admirer and sincere friend xxxx P.S. God is love. Are you still single? Can we mingle? I want to consume you like a pringle. Are you bilingual? Can I treat you to lunch and then the cinema? Am I boyfriend material? Do you like or dislike Giggah? Can we date? Can I possess your mobile number? Please don't hesitate to contact me on 07541618888. Peace and tranquillity!

Basically I am in love.